


Of Love and Loneliness

by ClairaTheArcticFox



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, BAMF Uchiha Itachi, Depression, Guns, Humor, Incest, M/M, Minor Character Death, POV First Person, Plot, Sarcasm, Self-Harm, Sibling Incest, So much angst, Suicide Attempt, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-11 09:16:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20543744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClairaTheArcticFox/pseuds/ClairaTheArcticFox
Summary: Itachi has spent years isolating himself from his brother because he believes it’s the right thing to do. Confused and hurt, Sasuke has done the best he can to live without him, but when their mother dies he can’t bear the loneliness any longer. Itachi finally realizes the damage he’s done but is it already too late?Meanwhile, the conflict between the terrorist group Akatsuki and the secret government organization ROOT is heating up. Caught in the middle, the two brothers must do everything they can to protect the people- and, most importantly, each other.





	1. Chapter 1

_Sasuke_

Heavy drops of rain washed over me, soaking through my new suit and turning the freshly turned soil into rivers of mud. A group of solemn faced men lowered the coffin into the ground as I stood beside my brother and father, unable to breathe. The emptiness washed over me, leaving nothing but an aching void in place of my heart. My mother was gone. I would never see her warm smile, would never hear her soft voice and gentle laughter…

I was alone.

My father had eyes only for my brother, Itachi. No matter how hard I tried, nothing I did was ever good enough for him. I could never compare to my perfect brother. And Itachi may have cared once, but it had been years since he had spared me more than a passing glance. When I was a kid, I loved him more than anything. I thought he loved me too, but the brother from my childhood faded away years ago and left me behind. Now he was nothing but a hard shell of who he used to be, and my heart broke a little more every time he turned away from me without a word.

For years, my mother had kept me together despite it all, but then she got sick. These last eight months had been hell, forced to watch helplessly as her life drained away, the light in her eyes slowly dimming as she lay in the hospital, until one day it faded completely. Tears welled in my eyes and I bit down on the inside of my cheek to keep them in. I didn't want to cry. I promised her I would stay strong, but I had nothing left. I _needed_ her. I was breaking apart and there was nothing left to hold me together.

Then the rain around me stopped and a warm arm wrapped around my shoulders. I looked up and my eyes widened. Itachi stood above me holding an umbrella, and for the first time in years, his dark eyes were focused on _me_. His mask of perfection was cracked, and for a moment I caught sight of grief almost as deep as my own. He pulled me into a tight hug.

I went rigid. "What are you…?"

"Shh, I'm here," he said, rubbing his hand in slow circles against my back. As he held me, the tension drained from my body. Tears spilled down my cheeks. "Otouto," he whispered. "I'm here for you."

I clung to his suit, crying freely. With his arms around me I could breathe, at least a little. The future looked a bit less dark. He kept holding me as the coffin disappeared under layers of dirt, and for the first time since mom got sick, I felt warm and safe.

When the service ended, he stepped back. "Time to go, Sasuke," he said, and there was actual _tenderness_ in his voice. If he was with me, maybe, _maybe_ I could get through this. I turned my head for one last teary eyed look at the headstone.

_In memory of_

_Mikoto Uchiha_

_beloved wife and mother_

_forever in our hearts_

When we reached the parking lot, Itachi pushed me after my father without another word. He climbed into his own car and drove off as I stared after him. My heart sank, but I'd see him at home. If this… whatever it was lasted. If he didn't go right back to ignoring me. I didn't think I could stand it if he did.

My father rolled the window of his car down. "We're leaving," he said. I climbed into the back seat, not really wanting to sit next to him. Not when he hadn't shed a single tear or showed any sign of emotion other than indifference since mom died.

When we pulled up at home Itachi wasn't back yet, so I went straight up to my room. My father ignored me as usual, walking calmly into his study. I knew running a company was difficult, but I never saw him do anything other than work, and that hadn't changed since mom died. He offered no words of comfort, hardly even looked at me. Maybe he'd loved my mother once, but he certainly didn't anymore. And he'd never loved me.

I peeled off my soaked funeral attire piece by piece, then pulled open my drawer. I winced at the mess of crumpled clothing and started the tedious process of looking for one black shirt in a sea of other black shirts. Eventually, I pulled out one with a gray skull on the front, along with black jeans and a studded belt. I quickly deemed finding a matching pair of socks a lost cause, settling for two that were both black and at least similar_._

My mom had not been fond of my recent fashion choices, but my dad had been downright pissed. At least he'd looked at me long enough to chew me out, although it didn't take long for him to give up. Now he just shot me the occasional dark look. Parenting at it's finest.

I pulled on the clothes and retraced my thin coating of eyeliner before stopping to stare at my reflection in the mirror. I hated it. My bloodshot eyes were puffy from crying and hung with dark circles. And then there were the scars peeking out the bottom of my sleeves. I ran my fingers over the thin red and white lines, wincing slightly at the lingering soreness from a few of the more recent ones. What Itachi had been thinking? I hardly deserved his comforting.

Then again, it was probably just out of respect to our mother. Why else would he have looked at me now when he hadn't in years? I turned away from the mirror and tugged my sleeves farther down. Despite everything, I couldn't help but hope his actions meant more than that.

I flopped onto my bed and pulled out my phone. I hoped music would be enough of a distraction, but it really wasn't. My thoughts kept drifting back to mom and Itachi. Eventually I gave up and tugged my earphones out, just lying on my bed and trying not to cry.

Footsteps squeaked on the stairs and disappeared down the hallway. It was far too early for my father to leave his study, so Itachi must finally be back. A sliver of hope rose in my chest, although it was almost drowned out by anxiety. Whatever he was thinking, I needed to talk to him.

Even though he still lived here, it had been years since he last spoke to me. He said nothing when our mother got sick, or the night she died- what could possibly have been different about today? If he was just going to go back to ignoring me, I wasn't sure I wanted to know. But if he wasn't… I took a deep breath and stood up.

My brother's room was on the opposite end of our house. It used to be right next to mine, but he moved it a couple years ago, probably to get away from me. I hadn't been down there since.

My heart beat loudly in my chest as I made my way through the long hallways to his room. I picked at the sleeves of my shirt. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but seeing him today, feeling his arms around me- it reminded me of how nice it was when he cared, how safe he made me feel. I reached out and knocked softly.

"Aniki?" I called. I hadn't used that term in years, but right now I needed my older brother.

After a moment I heard his voice, "What is it?" He sounded slightly annoyed. I frowned and pushed the door open. He remained bent over his desk, focused on his work.

"Itachi," I said, louder.

He spun his chair around to face me and his dark eyes met mine. His hair was out of its usual pony and draped over his shoulders. His eyes were slightly shadowed, but he still managed to look perfect.

"I have work to do."

I rubbed my neck and looked down. "I know, but can we maybe talk or something? I miss you."

He sighed. "You shouldn't be here, Sasuke."

I took a breath. "Yes, but-"

"I don't want you here."

A lump formed in my throat as my heart sank. "You really don't give a shit about me do you." My voice cracked. I was such an idiot for wanting anything from him, but I couldn't help it.

For a moment I thought I saw his eyes soften, but then he spoke. "This is getting tedious Please do not bother me again. I have work to do." I clenched my hands to keep them from shaking. He was really going to do this to me again? I'd made peace with his coldness once, but now all of the old pain was coming rushing back. I should have known this would happen- I did know. But I still felt crushed.

I swallowed, and my voice came out hoarse with the threat of tears. "Just tell me the truth, for once. Why do you hate me. What did I do?" I took a shaky breath, trying to keep myself together. Maybe if he could just have given me a reason, I could've understood- even changed things. I would have done anything for him.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "That's ridiculous. I have no reason to hate you, now get going." The monotone was gone. This time his words were clearly laced with something dark. I fought back the urge to cry. Even if it was true, not caring at all was almost worse. It was too much. The weight of everything came crashing down on me all at once and I was drowning in it. I had no one left. I really was alone.

I turned and ran down the hallway, hot tears spilling from my eyes. I kept running through my room and into my bathroom. I flipped the lock and sank to the cold tile floor, pushing up my sleeves. My hands shook so much I could barely make them stay. I stared at the cuts along my arms, listening to my heart thundering in my ears. I just wanted it to stop. I just wanted it all to stop.

There wasn't a single person who cared about me. I didn't have any reason left to live. I could never have abandoned my mother, but she was gone now, leaving me with only a promise I couldn't keep. I moved my hand to the stack of towels and grabbed the blade lying beneath it. My father never loved me, and Itachi stopped loving me a long time ago.

I may have gotten attention when I was at school, but those people didn't really care about _me_, they didn't even _know_ me. A few fangirls would probably cry a few shallow tears, and then move on to obsess over some other guy. And still they'd be more upset than my own family. I wondered when they'd even notice I was gone. I let out an ugly sob. With this I would break every promise I'd made to mom. But I couldn't stay strong. Not without Itachi.

He'd probably be relieved. His annoying brat of a brother would be out of his hair for good. That's what he wanted. This would be better for everyone.

My knuckles turned white as I gripped the handle of the knife. I didn't hesitate as I stretched my arm out in front of me and dug the blade into my skin. The sharp pain sent a familiar numbness rushing through my veins. I dragged the knife down from my elbow to my wrist. This time I didn't want the bleeding to stop. This time I wanted to watch the life poor out of me and give in to the darkness that followed.

Blood gushed from the wound instantly, hot and sticky. It spilled down my arm and onto the tile floor. I did the same on the other side, then leaned back, letting my arms drop to my sides. A lazy smile spread over my face as the blood formed two pools at my sides. My mind started to get fuzzy.

Then there was shouting in the distance. It sounded like Itachi... but I must have been imagining it. Itachi wouldn't call my name like that. He wouldn't-

The door crashed open with a loud bang and I tried to make sense of what was happening through the haze of blood loss. My brother's terrified face appeared before me. I opened my mouth to call out to him, but I couldn't form the words. The world was fading. My last thought was to wonder why he had to ruin even this. It was no longer so satisfying when he was looking at me with tears in his eyes.

* * *

_Itachi_

I watched Sasuke run from my room with a tight feeling in my chest and winced when I heard his door slam across the house. Maybe I was too harsh? He didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve any of this, but it was hard to keep my voice steady when I hated what I was doing to him.

I let out an exhausted sigh. I wanted to be there for him. I wanted _nothing more_ than to wrap my arms around him and tell him everything would be fine, just like I used to. He had been such a cute kid, stubborn and enthusiastic, always following me around. He had meant everything to me. He still did, but things had changed. I changed. My hands were dirty. So I pushed him away and buried my emotions behind a mask of indifference. I promised myself I'd stay away from him, and I did. For three long years.

Then this morning I saw him looking so desperate and hopeless and my resolve cracked. It was agonizing to see him so miserable, but now I needed to repair the wall between us before the crack ran any deeper. I knew he hated how I'd been treating him, but I'd been doing it for years now, he should have been used to it. Staying away from him was my best option. If I let myself go to him now, it would be so much worse, so much harder. It was a risk I couldn't afford to take. He would go back to avoiding me once I went back to ignoring him.

I tried to focus on my papers, but the guilt was eating away at me, growing stronger as the minutes passed. I started to get a bad feeling… Maybe I should go check on him? He shouldn't be around me, but he didn't deserve to be abandoned. I could go apologize at least.

I slid the papers back into their folder and stood up. The feeling of apprehension grew stronger as I started down the hallway to his room and I walked faster. Finally, I reached his door and knocked.

"Sasuke?" There was no response. I turned the handle and pushed the door open, only to find the room empty. Strange, I know I heard him go back to his room. Where was he?

"Sasuke," I called again. My eyes swept the room, coming to a stop on the crack of light shining underneath his bathroom door. Even if he was in there, he still should have heard me come in. He hated having anyone in his room. He should have already been telling me to fuck off, especially after what I said earlier.

I hurried across the room and rapped on the door. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those things." I paused when there was no answer. "Are you alright in there?" Nothing. I turned the knob, only to find it locked. If he was in there why wasn't he answering?

"Sasuke?" I waited. "Sasuke! Say something!" Still nothing. Fear welled in my chest. Did something happen to him? An accident? I took a step back and kicked down the door.

My heart stopped as I took in the sight in front of me, the color draining from my face. My brother was sprawled in the corner, surrounded by a pool of his own blood, deathly still. "Shit, Sasuke!" I ran over to him and knelt down. His eyes focused on me for a brief moment and then fluttered closed. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't watch him die.

I yanked open the cabinet and grabbed a roll of bandages. I'd seen injuries this bad before; I'd _caused_ injuries this bad, and I knew I couldn't waste any time. I wrapped the bandages around his arms as tightly as I could.

I pulled out my cell phone to call an ambulance, my hands shaking so much I could barely press the numbers. I prayed the bandages would be enough. That he wouldn't die on me too. Please let my baby brother be ok. _Please._


	2. Chapter 2

_Sasuke_

I opened my eyes to glaring rays of light shining through an open window. My head was pounding and I could barely think. My arms ached and my body was stiff and heavy. I cracked my eyes open, trying to figure out where I was. That wasn't my window, and I wasn't in my bed.

Itachi was asleep in a chair next to me. So what, I was in a hospital? I looked around the pristine room and groaned. Fantastic. As I struggled into an upright position, Itachi's eyes flickered open. I looked at him, trying to figure out what I was doing in a hospital, and why he was here with me. Then I noticed the bandages around my arms and it all came back to me. Mom, the funeral, Itachi's words...

I should have been dead. I was _supposed_ to be dead. Itachi was watching me intently, waiting for my mind to put the pieces together.

"Why did you bother?" I asked finally, my voice rough lack of use.

He drew his eyebrows together. "You're my brother."

"Ah." So family duty. For a while we stared at each other, the silence growing heavier by the minute. His face showed a faint hint of anxiety, while mine was totally devoid of emotion.

My eyes drifted around the room as I search for something to say. "I don't think the window is supposed to be open." I remembered that unfortunate detail from my visits to my mother. It really was too bad. Now that my eyes had adjusted, I appreciate the warm sunshine, and the chilly breeze refreshed the otherwise stuffy hospital air.

He relaxed a little at the change of subject. "You used to ask me to open the window all the time."

I snorted. "Yeah. That was when I was _six_ and we still talked to each other."

He raised an eyebrow. "You want me to close it?" he asked, but he already knew what my answer would be.

"...No." As the heavy atmosphere returned, I studied him more closely. I was startled by how bad he looked. His normally silky smooth hair was tangled and messy, still hanging free. Dark circles hung under his eyes and he looked unhealthily pale. He was still wearing the same suit he wore to the funeral, although it had long since lost it's crisp appearance, the shirt wrinkled and the tie coming undone. I couldn't remember ever seeing his appearance anything less than perfect. But despite everything he still managed to maintain an air of beauty and poise.

"How long have I been here?" I asked.

Itachi breathed a deep sigh. "It's been nearly two days. You hadn't eaten, you'd barely slept, and of course there was the major blood loss." He gave me a disapproving look, but then his eyes grew worried. "I found you just in time."

"Tch. Your timing was horrible."

A pained look crossed his features and he ran his hand through his hair. "Sasuke I'm so sorry, I should never have talked to you like that, I didn't mean to..." he trailed off.

I turned my head away. "You were just being honest."

He pressed his lips together. "No Sasuke, I thought… I thought you'd be better off if I stayed away from you."

"That's a terrible excuse." I glared at him. He ran his hand through his hair again. A nervous habit? Since when did Itachi get nervous? Two days ago he couldn't have cared less, why bother now? Anger rose in my chest. I was certainly not planning on making up with him. I wasn't planning anything beyond the next time I was alone. I'd made up my mind. I grit my teeth. He and his stupid excuses could fuck off.

He squeezed his eyes shut, "I never should have ignored you, I'm so sorry."

My voice rose. "Oh, so you apologize now that I'm in a hospital? A bit fucking late don't you think?"

"Sasuke, I'm serious!"

"And I don't fucking care!" I yelled. "I am not going to sit here and listen to your bullshit! Apparently it takes me nearly dying for you to even fucking remember that I exist!"

Right at that moment, a nurse came in. I guess my yelling was heard from the hallway. I slumped back against the wall and glared at her, willing her to _go away_.

She smiled brightly. "I'm so glad to see you awake! Sasuke, right?" I groaned. Could she not read the atmosphere?

Itachi moved to sit near the window while the nurse checked me over. She hummed a cheerful tune as she took my pulse and read the monitors. "Well, It looks like you're going to be just fine!" she said finally, smiling again as she stepped back.

"Oh boy, lucky me. Do I get to leave now?" I fixed her with a bitter scowl.

Her smile faltered, "You'll have to have a psych evaluation first, and talk to the doctor to be discharged…" her eyes shifted around the room uncomfortably, and then came to rest on the window behind Itachi. She started to walk forward, "I'm sorry, but you can't have that open."

Immediately she was met with a scathing death glare from Itachi that stopped her dead in her tracks. She looked between my scowling face and Itachi's glare and gave up. She turned and fled out of the room, mumbling something about another patient. As the door swung closed behind her, a hint of a smile pulled at my lips.

"Poor girl was scared out of her mind," Itachi said, looking slightly worried for a moment.

I snorted. "I almost feel sorry for her, pissing off two Uchihas, but she was…"

He sighed. "Irritating," he said simply. This time a genuine smile played across my face. Then it faded as the reality of the situation set back in.

"Alright Itachi," I said. "You've done your brotherly duty, staying here until I woke up. You can leave now."

He pursed his lips. "Sasuke, I'm not going anywhere. I'm sure you'll be able to pass any evaluation they throw at you with flying colors, but I'm not so easily fooled. I have no intention of losing you."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh great, I'm stuck with you." I paused. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

He shrugged. "I'm taking time off."

"They let you do that?" As far as I knew, Itachi had never so much as taken a sick day off from his job, whatever it was.

He smirked, and since when did Itachi smirk? "They can't exactly stop me," he said.

I blinked. That was probably true, but Itachi had never been the type to break rules. What was going on with him today? Oh well. He couldn't skip work indefinitely, so I'd get my chance.

Itachi was right- a few hours later I was evaluated, and another irritating nurse came to tell me that I would be discharged first thing in the morning. After she left the room, Itachi slipped his phone back into his pocket and looked over at me. "As much as I've been enjoying the quality time I've spent with this hospital chair, I haven't been home in two days and I'd rather like to sleep in a bed- and shower." He stood up and stretched, coming to stand next to me.

"Really? Thank God." His constant presence was annoying as hell. "So much for not going anywhere," I muttered.

"Oh, don't worry. I do have a contingency plan." Itachi moved suddenly, grabbing my arm. By the time I realized what he was doing, I was already handcuffed to the bed frame.

"Itachi what the fuck!"

His eyes twinkled, "Sorry Sasuke, I'm not having you run off the moment I leave you alone. Oh, and don't think the staff will help you. It's amazing what a few fifties can do for you." He smirked. Was he enjoying this? The sadistic bastard.

Without another word he turned and strolled out of the room.

I cursed, metal clanging against metal as I struggled. "Get back here you _dick_!" I snarled. But it was useless. The bed frame was solidly built and the handcuffs were real. Why the fuck did Itachi have real handcuffs?! The bastard knew me too well; I wouldn't be able to get away with anything as long as he was around.

Itachi's sudden journey into the realm of emotions had been unnerving, but that confirmed it. Emotional or not that was definitely my brother. No one else would have the guts to pull something like that on me. I thought about making a break for it bed and all, but besides likely being impossible that would probably get me locked in a padded cell. I flopped back down, resigning myself to the uncomfortable night ahead of me, I stared up at the ceiling, thinking about how I could get back at him.


	3. Chapter 3

_Sasuke_

When morning finally came, I was exhausted and angry. The handcuffs binding me to the bed frame had made sleep difficult, but the nurses had made it fucking impossible. Every hour someone would come into my room and wake me up- presumably to make sure I was still alive. I'd thought their cheery attitudes were irritating the day before, but in the middle of the night? They were downright infuriating. After several hours of this, I was royally pissed off, so the next time the door opened, I hurled a pillow into the nurse's face with enough force to knock her back a few steps. Apparently that was enough to convince her I was fine because she left.

I hurled a second pillow into the face of the nurse who came in an hour later. She left as well, and by now the rest of the nurses seemed to have gotten the message. Unfortunately, I'd only ever had two pillows, and the handcuffs prevented me from retrieving either of them from the floor. It was several hours before anyone else came in, and by the time they were returned to me, the sun had already started to rise.

The only benefit of the sleepless night was it had given me time to analyze Itachi's behavior from yesterday. He seemed to be under the impression that he could repair our relationship, and if he was taking time off from his job, he was willing to go pretty damn far to make it happen. He must consider me a personal failure, and he was used to being perfect. I doubted he'd ever failed at anything in his life. Regardless, I had no intention of forgiving him.

I wouldn't be back in school for a few more days, which meant I'd be stuck spending a lot of time with Itachi. I'd give him what he wanted- I'd stick close, and I'd use the entire time to make him miserable. Starting by punching him in the face when he comes to unlock me. If handcuffing me to a bed was his way of showing he cared, he was seriously twisted.

True to his word, Itachi showed up early, holding a stack of black clothing. Apparently he really had thought this out because he tossed me the key from the doorway. For a second I considered letting it hit the floor and forcing him to come get it, but that seemed petty and I did want to get out of here as soon as possible. I caught the key deftly in free my hand and unlocked the cuffs. As I walked over to him, I noticed the clothing he was holding wasn't mine. I blinked at him.

He cleared his throat and looked away. "I, uh, know you don't like people in your room, so I figured I wouldn't spend any more time in there than necessary. I grabbed some old things of mine. They should fit you well enough."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh you took my privacy into consideration this time? Looks like you get a gold star." I huffed and grabbed the clothes. If only he'd done the same before barging into my bathroom. I closed the door in his face and got changed.

Itachi's clothes were comfortable and their faint scent was nostalgic. It brought back memories of my childhood, although I wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not. I still had the cuffs- Itachi seemed to have forgotten about them. I snickered and slipped them into my pocket. Hopefully an opportunity for revenge would present itself.

What the hell did he do for a living that meant he carried around handcuffs anyway? I really couldn't see him as a cop, and if he was he could have been fired for what he did last night. Besides, why would he hide that?

I followed him out to his car in silence. glaring into the back of his head and silently willing it to burst into flames.

* * *

_Itachi_

Sasuke stared at me with murderous intent all the way to the car. Home was only a fifteen minute drive, but it sure felt like a lot longer with his piercing gaze biting into me. It was a good thing looks couldn't kill.

The anxiety all this was bringing me was an entirely new feeling, and I honestly had no idea how to handle it. It was probably good that I was staying out of work for a few days; in my current condition I could easily make a mistake that would have serious repercussions. My next assignment was especially important too. I needed to get myself together before I started to make my move. I was the best person for the job and I couldn't afford to lose my edge.

I brought my attention back to Sasuke. When we were kids I knew everything about him, but if the waves of evil intent drifting from the back seat were anything to go by, he was an entirely different person from the cute kid who used to follow me around with a bright smile on his face. I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel and glanced at him in the rearview mirror. He narrowed his eyes. Seriously that stare was sending shivers down my spine.

It was undoubtedly my responsibility to fix whatever problems Sasuke had developed. I was his brother, and as such I was supposed to look out for him. Something it seemed I had failed spectacularly. I could have at least been watching him from afar even if I wasn't an active part of his life. I should have noticed long before it got this bad. I shivered as I recalled the scars up and down his arms. They went back months.

It hurt, but I definitely deserved to have him hate me. What I did to him in the name of responsibility was unforgivable. And now I had to figure out how to undo it. The tender loving approach clearly wasn't going to cut it. He seemed to be focusing all his negative emotions on me. But at least that gave me something to work with. I tilted my head. It was a lot better than being shut out entirely. But right now I had no idea what was going on in with him besides the anger and hatred. Well, and the severe depression. If I was going to be of any help to him, I needed to get to know him a lot better.

As we neared home I struggled to think of how on earth I was supposed to do that, and how we were going to spend the next few days until he went back to school. I hadn't attempted to socialize since _I _was in school, and even then friends hadn't really been my thing. My closest friend had been my partner, Shisui. But I lost him, just like I almost lost Sasuke. And that was my fault as well.

I swore I wouldn't let Sasuke, who idolized me, get caught up in my darkness the way Shisui did. I ignored him and pushed him away so that he would be safe, but I never moved out because I couldn't leave him. Now Dad was usually working or traveling for work, so if I moved out Sasuke would effectively be living on his own. Yeah, not happening, even if I was already twenty-one.

My worry grew stronger as we neared our house. I still had no idea how to hold his attention or influence his behavior in any way. If he chose to run off or lock himself in his room, I had no idea how to stop him short of using force. If it came down to it I _could_ use force, but that didn't seem like a very productive method long term.

The only thing I did have any control over was his anger, seeing as it was largely directed at me. If I could keep him focused on that, then at least he wouldn't have time to be self-destructive. I really wanted to _repair_ our relationship, but at present, I doubted it was possible. I didn't deserve forgiveness from him anyway.

The best way for me to help him was probably to be there for him to hate. The more time we spent together, the less time he'd have to focus on himself. So it was a matter of keeping him with me, keeping him occupied, and pissing him off. Ok. That was doable.

We reached home and went inside. Sasuke sent the door to our father's study a nervous look.

"Oh that's right," I said. "Dad left on a business trip while I was with you in the hospital. He won't be back for several weeks."

He bit his lip. "Did you tell him what happened?"

"I just said you were in the hospital. He didn't ask why so I didn't tell him. I simply said I would take care of it and he should enjoy his time abroad." He breathed out a sigh of relief and started towards the stairs.

I frowned. "Where do you think you're going?"

He sent me an annoyed look. "Relax. I know you want me in the living room. So you can stare at me like a creep and make sure I don't try to off myself."

"Well, I wouldn't have used those exact words," I drawled, trying not to look too relieved. That took care of step one.

"I'm just gonna grab my stuff," I sent him a pointed look as he started to turn towards the stairs. He rolled his eyes. "Oh relax, if I'm not back in two minutes you can come kick down the door again."

Which made me remember the door to his bathroom was still broken. I actually had gone into his room long enough to clean up the blood and thoroughly search it for sharp objects, although I didn't want to advertise it. The door, however, would take a professional.

"Alright. I'll call someone to repair your door," I said as he headed to his room. Then I remembered that I was supposed to keep his attention on hating me and added, "And if you're not back here in two minutes, they really will have two doors to repair." He shot me a dark look.

I had a huge box of files to go through for my next assignment, so I slipped into my room to grab a couple and returned to the living room, sitting on the couch. Sasuke came down holding a book and headphones a moment later. He glared at me when he realized I'd taken by far the most comfortable seat in the room. I smirked.

In a way I was issuing him a challenge. He had two options, suck it up and sit next to me, or admit defeat and take the rocking chair by the window. I was curious which one he would choose- I'm sure he hated me more than he hated losing (which was a lot) but it was a different matter altogether if he was losing to _me_. He grit his teeth and came over to sit on the couch. It was spacious, so we weren't stuck particularly close together, but he still leaned against the side with a disgusted look on his face, putting as much space between us as possible.

Even as a child he would never back down from a challenge, going after it enthusiastically. It was a convenient way of getting him to do what I wanted. Admittedly this had taken a turn for the far darker but it was the same idea. Apparently all it would take to get him to listen to me was to turn it into a challenge.

That was a great way for me to keep him occupied, really- keep issuing challenges, and hopefully winning. It was painful, but I suppose I could enjoy getting under his skin, especially since I knew it was in his best interest. Despite everything, I enjoyed being around him again.

I watched him out of the corner of my eye. He was starting to relax into the couch a bit, clearly engrossed in whatever he's reading, and occasionally huffing out a slight laugh. I leaned forward a bit to see the cover. Stephan King's IT. And he was laughing. Yeah, that was fitting.

We spent most of the day like that, until it was time to eat. "You want me to make dinner?" I asked.

"Fuck no."

"You do have to eat. Otherwise you'll end up back in the hospital." He made a face, but stood up and went to the kitchen side of the open concept room.

He opened the refrigerator and spent a moment rummaging around. "Why is there no food?" he called.

I sighed. "The fridge is full, Sasuke."

He peered around the door and gave me a disgusted look. "I am not a rabbit, therefore none of this can be considered edible."

I raised an eyebrow. "There are tomatoes in the bottom right drawer."

_Silence. _He disappeared behind the door and came back with a large tomato in his mouth and another in his hand. "There were only two. Let's go shopping."

"I really can cook something for y-" I started, but the dark look on his face told me the offer was pointless. "Fine let's go." I should just be glad he was willing to eat.

Shopping consisted largely of Sasuke glaring down everyone who came near us as he searched for food- mostly prepackaged or frozen junk. "Sasuke, besides the tomatoes I'm not sure any of this qualifies as food," I said once, but there wasn't much point. I was going to have to work on his eating habits, but something told me right now I should take what I could get.

We didn't even have to wait in line at the cash register- the other customers shied away from the potent waves of hatred rolling off Sasuke. When he was a child he nearly always got what he wanted due to his extraordinary cuteness. It didn't seem he'd lost any of his persuasive power now that he was older- just changed his approach. It actually wasn't all that different from the intimidation tactics I often employed. No one wanted to mess with the threatening stranger with a dangerous glint in their eye. I was impressed, I hadn't mastered that art until I started working.

* * *

I knew Sasuke will realize I couldn't let him sleep alone, the question was what he was going to do about it. It didn't look like he got much sleep last night, probably due to the nurses. That combined with his recent ordeal meant he had to be exhausted. I didn't think he'd been getting much sleep before that either. I smirked internally as a thought occurred to me. Yes this would definitely piss him off. I stood up, smiling innocently. He gave me a wary look.

"Alright Sasuke, I'm going to my room to sleep," I said. His expression darkened as he fully understood my implications. It was another challenge. Choosing another sleeping location would be avoiding it- plus, he knew it wasn't an option. By letting me be the first to speak up, he allowed me to set the parameters- namely the location. This left him with only one option.

"Fine, but I'm taking your bed." His tone was bitter and indignant.

I raised an eyebrow. "Sasuke, it's my room, my bed. You may sleep on the floor if you wish."

Of course, he couldn't really. Not with his pride. Not if he wanted to win. He was fuming as he stalked up to his room to get changed. If he took this opportunity to pull something, we'd both lose. Letting him up there alone was a bit of a risk, but it would tell me whether I'd made any progress. I wouldn't leave him for long enough to pull anything, and he couldn't escape through his window from the second floor either. I went upstairs to my room and put away the files.

Sasuke came in a couple minutes later in much better spirits. "Oh, Itachi. Just so you know, I'm a very violent sleeper." He grinned, climbing into my queen size bed and flipping over. By the time I'd taken a shower, Sasuke was already asleep- really asleep too, I could tell he wasn't faking it.

I climbed in beside him and tried to fall asleep as well. Ten minutes later I admitted defeat, getting up to grab an extra blanket and pillow and settling on the floor. Sasuke hadn't been kidding when he said he was a violent sleeper. I vaguely remembered him tossing and turning a lot as a child, but now that he was nearly full grown it was on a whole different level. Queen size bed or not, there was no way was I getting any sleep without waking up suddenly and painfully to a black eye. I was rather pissed, but I supposed it wasn't too big of a deal. It was actually more fun if victory wasn't always guaranteed.


End file.
